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Dear Church Lady

I am engaged to be married. The hall is paid for, 250 guests are invited. I have a fabulous ring and have had a great relationship for 2 yrs. My boyfriend is great and we never had problems. He tearfully confessed to me that he had sex with a stripper at the bachelor party!!  His one indiscretion and he was drunk. Cancel the wedding or forgive?

Signed: We or Me

Dear We or Me,

Congrats on the engagement, the ring, the hall and the 250 guests. Bravo for having a 2 year relationship with no problems. And a standing ovation for the tearful confession of a drunken indiscretion that led to sex with a stripper. However, I do not see a five star marriage in your future.

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A marriage proposal with a ring is a promise of love, commitment and sexual exclusivity? Your fiancé’s indiscretion had nothing to do with being drunk, he made a choice and you feel you have to justify that choice because wedding plans are in place. But during your planning ask yourself; what happens when he gets drunk during your marriage and sleeps with the bartender or his best friends’ girlfriend or better yet, his ex-girlfriend. Will you see it as an indiscretion then? Will you blame it on the alcohol? Being drunk may justify the thought of having sex outside of your relationship but will never justify the action. He might be a great guy but he made a bad decision. All men have sex at their bachelor party is a myth. So don’t believe the hype!

I think you already made up your mind to forgive him and you’re looking for supporters. The true answer to your question is based on the expectations you have for your relationship. What are the ground rules? What is more important to you, trust and commitment or a wedding? Don’t get me wrong, I understand the thought of canceling your wedding is devastating to you, but marrying a man who has no respect for the institution of marriage right before he gets married will devastate you for years to come. Cancel the wedding! At least for now, then find a way to forgive him.

The Church Lady

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