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Although the press has been discussing Hillary Clinton’s presidential run in 2016 since she formally resigned from her post as Secretary of State, many pundits had been saving their best material for when she formally announced.

Now that she has, everyone’s talking — only no one has been funnier than those performance artists over at FOX News. No one, male or female, riles up the Right quite like Hillary Rodham Clinton. You would think she took a staple gun to their manhood by daring to be…herself.

Leading the charge is crotchety white men’s favorite clown, Bill O’Reilly, who argued that Clinton’s campaign will be given a boost based on what he feels is a noticeable trend.

On Monday, O’Reilly explained:

“If you’re a Christian or a white man in America, it’s open season on you. Therefore, Hillary Clinton has an advantage. She can run a general campaign: ‘First woman in the White House, and I’m gonna help you by increasing the entitlement society.’ It will take a very articulate and tough-minded Republican to defeat her.”

Bill O’Reilly makes it seem as if white Christian males are the great white sharks of humanity.

On what is he basing his assumptions that it’s “open season” on white, Jesus-loving presumably heterosexual males? Is it the fact that they still harbor most of the nation’s wealth? Or that they own and/or operate most corporations? The reality that they are still given the benefit of the doubt even when accused of heinous crimes — unlike their daughter peers? Or maybe it’s the notion that they still hold the majority of political power in this country?

Can we ask a Muslim about this? A female member of the clergy? Can someone iMessage Jesus about this claim?

Better yet, let’s ask all of those white women who majorly supported Republican men in the last election over Democrats despite the GOP being incredibly anti-women in terms of policy.

If any of this constitutes “open season” on the white Christian male in America, I’m ready to make a trade deal. How about I donate some melanin in exchange for peace of mind around law enforcement, no problem hailing a cab, and not having jackasses like Bill O’Reilly stereotype me every damn week for millions of dollars each year?

Oh, I should note that O’Reilly promised to be fair to Hillary Clinton. Stop laughing. OK, don’t stop laughing. I’m laughing, too.

Anyhow, O’Reilly’s pledge of fairness is conditional. O’Reilly added, “I don’t think gender matters one bit. And if this ‘war on women’ business is resurrected, we’ll have something to say.” Technically, O’Reilly already did have something to say conflating the idea that the election of our nation’s first woman president would result in an advancement of the “entitlement society.” Unless, he’s referring to the corporations who benefit from corporate welfare more than po’ folks do EBT.

Meanwhile, O’Reilly “strongly advised” Clinton to avoid organizations like Media Matters, which he says employ “despicable and dishonest tactics to attack those with whom they disagree.” You see, FOX News anchors don’t like the competition.

Although I’m still not sure whether or not I’ll be writing Beyoncé’s name in place of HRC’s come 2016, I will say that I’m amused at how she’s already got the likes of O’Reilly whining about the wayward white man. Likewise, I’m tickled how in one instance, he doesn’t want to hear about this “war on women” business, and yet, has no issue complaining about the plight of White Jesus’ homeboys. You know, despite one group having far more credibility on their issues than the other.

This will be such a long campaign. And administrations. Pray for me, Christians. White, Black, Brown, and Lil’ Kim “Crush on You” video purple.

Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.


Bill O’Reilly Really Said Hillary Clinton Will Benefit From “Open Season On White Male Christians”  was originally published on

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