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Joel Osteen Ministries purchased the entire Catholic religion which includes all its assets. He announced the purchase to members at the Lakewood Church during his televised service. Pastor Osteen will begin converting Catholicism to the faster growing non-denominational business model. Changes include the elimination of less profitable Catholic traditions such as communion, confession, the sacraments of marriage, confirmation, and the last rites. Classic holidays with large revenue potential such as Christmas and Easter will be re-branded but not substantially revised until a complete profitability analysis can be performed.
Osteen Ministries spokesperson said all Catholic employees such as Bishops, Cardinals, Priests, and Nuns will be retained and trained for jobs. Joel Osteen is investigating other aspects and assets like the Vatican which may be converted to a faith-based nostalgic amusement park.

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