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ABC News recently did a special about successful black women who have never been married.

A whopping 42% of black women have not been married.  Here’s a question for the black women out there:  What are your standards when it comes to dating?  Check out this link:

The women in the ABC News Special are all very beautiful and successful.  Are they setting the bar too high?  Should they lower their standards?  What does that mean exactly?  Should they consider dating and marrying outside of the black race?  What it behoove them to consider the brother who works in the mailroom?  I personally have no problem with that as long as he has plans beyond the mailroom.  Are black women too smart?  My dad is a funny guy.  He used to say things like women are just too smart nowadays.  A man can’t be a man with a smart black woman. I would ask him, why did he want me to go to college and get an education if not to be…well…ur ra ta…smart?  He would respond with:  “See that’s what I’m talking about right there…too smart”.  Although my dad and I joked around a lot, maybe he was on to something.  I am all for education and career advancement.  However, do we as black women tend to look down at brothers who do not have the same view?  I’m asking myself the question as well.  Maybe we need to simply adust our standards and not lower them.

I remember when I had a “wish list” when it came to a man.  I wanted him to be a Christian.  I wanted him to be educated.  I wanted a man who did not have any children.  I wanted someone who was gainfully employed and financially stable.  My list included him having his own place, meaning a home and not an apartment he was renting.  My list also included him having a car because no way did I want to pick him up and drop him off for dates.  Now before you label me as shallow, this list was created when I was in my twenties.  I was idealistic.  I was a tad unrealistic too! I say that because I didn’t even live up to half the things on my list!  That’s so bootleg!

Sisters, if you have a list of requirements and yet you do not live up to your own list, doesn’t that make you a bit of a hypocrite?  I believe in setting standards but I’ve learned to live up to the standards I’ve set.  The women in the ABC News Special had their collective acts together!  At least that’s the way it appeared.  One thing I noticed the piece did not cover was black men and women dating in the church environment.  The truth is churches are filled with mostly women every Sunday morning.  The single brothers have so many choices it ain’t even funny.   Would it be wrong for the black church to set up a dating ministry?  Are we afraid too many people will become super spiritual about it?  What I mean is this, so many times dating in the church becomes some sort of weird over-analyzed audition of sorts.

I cannot stand for someone to tell another person “The Lawd told me to tell you, you’re going to be my husband or my wife”…If the Lawd did not speak to both parties then it’s a little bootleg and a bad excuse to make someone feel compelled to date you.  But getting back to the subject at hand…Maybe it’s not such a bad idea to do some sort of Holy Hookup of sorts in the church.  If guidelines are set up that clearly state that this is dating only and not a marriage proposal ministry, then maybe we’ll get somewhere with this statistic of successful black women unable to get married.  I’m not buying it myself.

I know there are a lot of brothers in jail.  I know there’s a percentage of brothers who are homosexual.  I know that there are a number of brothers who prefer white women.  I get it that there are lot of brothers who are using their entrepreneurial gifts for evil and not for good.  Okay what was my point?  Oh yeah, I’m still not buying that black women like the ones in this piece cannot find a suitable counterpart.  I agree with Steve Harvey who suggested they take a look at their realm and possibly date a little older.  Now look, Steve didn’t say the man had to be on oxygen support and unable to feed himself.  He only suggested taking a look at your “wish list” and making some adjustments and not necessarily lowering your standards.  Chile Please!

Other Related Articles:

What’s Missing From Our Relationships?  Respect!

How The Single Christian Gets Through The Night

Why Women Should Leave The Pursuit To Men

10 Signs That Your Dating Relationship Is Unhealthy

Blended Relationships:  Are You Ready To Move Forward?

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