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You’d think by the time you’re a married couple, and possibly have a child or three under your belt, you’d be able to handle the intricacies of going out for the night with your husband or wife. After all, that was part of the allure of going from “me” to “we”: You were finally able to leave the whole dating game and its so-called rules behind.

But dating for long-term married couples comes with its own new his-and-her matching set of pressures, especially when kids are in the picture. You no longer have the time to make sure you have five minutes together without interruption, let alone set aside an entire evening to dote on each other. So when the stars are finally aligned — you’ve cleared your calendars, you’ve found someone not featured on America’s Most Wanted to look after the kids — you want the evening to be perfect, which practically begs for a Murphy’s law moment.

Don’t sweat it. You can lay the foundation for lots of fun nights out (or in) by following these simple save-the-date guidelines. First, make sure that at least every other date gets you out of the house and away from your daily life. Second, be clear about who is doing what planning-wise, or you may end up doing nothing. Finally, take turns organizing your dates. So what if he has no clue which restaurant got the best review? This isn’t about planning the perfect evening; it’s about having time with the person you love so you can rediscover, talk, laugh, and enjoy each other.

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1. Try brunch and a matinee-Your fancier restaurants are way more affordable (and just as delicious) in the daytime hours. And catching a matinee is cheaper than full price at night. Take a vacation day and enjoy each other while the kids are at school or daycare.

2. Relive your 1st date– Follow the same time-table as you did on your first date. Include as many of the original details as possible…such as wearing the color you wore that night, the way you wore our hair (if that’s possible), recall the way you talked, explored and got to know each other.

3. Enjoy a mini-date. Think: a half hour for a pizza lunch for two or one quick cocktail or coffee together after work. Or squeeze in a quick meal at lunch. The important thing is getting time together. Spending that hour together is better than not having any time alone with each other that week.

4. Create your own “drive-in” experience. If you have a laptop with a DVD drive, take it out with you. Rent or download a movie you never got around to seeing, order something simple at a dimly lit café or bistro, find a love seat to cuddle up in, and watch.

5. Find a restaurant with a dance floor. Even if you’ve got less coordination thru the years, you can still hold each other close and sway to the beat.

6. Spend an afternoon test-driving cars, viewing model homes, or window-shopping. Even if you have no interest in making a purchase now, these activities can kick-start discussions about your goals. New lovers are always dreaming together about the things they want to achieve: exotic trips, houses, children. As love matures, you become more focused on the here and now — attending school meetings, folding socks — and forget to write the next chapter of your love story, or think you don’t have to because you’ve already discussed it all before. But continually setting shared goals gives love something to work toward and shape itself around.

7. Give in to the undeniably romantic allure of watching the sun go down. Head to the highest point in town, and when the light is romance-perfect for enhancing your sensuous mood, turn the scenic view into a background for a make-out session.

8. Head to your local department store and challenge each other to come up with the most romantic, intimate gift possible. Two things: It can’t cost more than $20, and it must be used that night. You’ll find that you really need to think about the essence of each other to come up with an offering that hits the right note.

9. Plan a hush-hush romantic “mystery night.” One of you makes all the arrangements and just tells the other where and when you’ll meet (perhaps via a note in a lunch bag or a briefcase, in the car on the driver’s seat, propped against the milk in the refrigerator, or scribbled on the kids’ Magna Doodle). The destination can be anything from dinner at a nice restaurant to a scavenger hunt with you as the prize. It’s not the venue that makes the evening special, but the anticipatory thrill that comes with not knowing what’s coming next.

10. Get decked out — even if you’re just going to the local diner. Slip into your most fabulous threads — and have him do the same. No matter where you go, looking like your best version of yourself will make the evening feel special and inspire connection (and passion).

-Some ideas inspired by REDBOOK

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